| Everyone enters mentoring relationships with varying degrees of trust in their partners. Some people trust immediately and openly, some need for trust to be earned, and some fall in the middle of the spectrum. These differences often stem from personal experiences and background. Those who have had bad experiences with someone violating their trust may hold back from fully engaging in the relationship until their partner proves their trustworthiness.
In general trust provides the ability to risk while relying on the experience, understanding, and guidance of another. In a mentoring relationship, you have to trust your partner in order to effectively learn, take advice, and put that advice into action in your life. If you do not view your partner as a trustworthy source of information and advice, then little progress will be made in the relationship.
A mentoring relationship rooted in trust can be a powerful and transformational experience. A positive mentoring relationship forms when each party is willing to view their partners as reliable sources of information, knowledge, and support. This makes gaining your partners’ trust, and giving them your trust in return, a critical component of any mentoring engagement. Mutual respect, admiration, appreciation, and reliance often occur as a result and can lead to swift and meaningful sharing.
This series of newsletters on trust-based mentoring relationships will explore three main components: competence, integrity, and caring. Within each area are two sub-sections; each of these will be the topics of upcoming newsletters. Let’s first examine the three main areas as an introduction to our series.
It is safe to say that most mentoring relationships revolve around competence. One party has something they want to learn, and they find partners who can help them gain the knowledge that they need. The competence of these advisors centers around the degree of proficiency they are able to demonstrate in their areas of presumed expertise. Trust emanates from those who are good at what they do and who are able to relate that experience to others. Past accomplishments and professional merit contribute to a reputation of competence, but in a mentoring relationship competence is demonstrated through the ability to share experiences with others.
It is competence that supports acquiring talent, skills, or knowledge in the context of a mentoring relationship. As part of this series we will explore how to assess your learning needs in these areas and assess your progress toward acquiring the competence you desire.
Integrity speaks to the wholeness of an individual’s character. Those who do what they say they are going to do inspire trust. The same can be said of those who speak truthfully regarding their opinions, thoughts, and experiences. Integrity is evidenced by the way in which confidential boundaries are maintained, which is vital to mentoring relationships. Integrity also means aligning actions with values.
In this newsletter series we will suggest ways to explore values and use accountability to align your actions and beliefs.
Caring is the ability to show concern and interest regarding the needs and desires of another. In mentoring relationships, care is most commonly displayed through showing regard for the expressed learning needs and aspirations of your mentoring partner. This is done through keeping discussions developmentally focused, practicing active listening, and honoring accomplishments. It is also shown by allowing room to unload burdens and process challenging situations. We will explore the power of commiseration and how to deal with frustrating situations as part of this series in the quest to build trust-based mentoring relationships.
Competence, integrity, caring—all three areas are critical to developing and maintaining trust. No matter how impeccable someone’s character is, if they cannot demonstrate competency, trusting them is difficult. Similarly, a competent person who shows no personal interest in your well-being is hard to trust with confidential information. Finally, without integrity, competence and caring would ring hollow. Attention must be given to the actions and conversations that support all three of these dimensions of trust in order to build successful mentoring relationships.
To help you start thinking in terms of competence, integrity, and caring, use this Practice Exercise for an open dialogue with your mentoring partners.
1. Competence
Discuss how your partner(s) have been able to share one or two particular competencies with you. Highlight how that has helped you in the mentoring relationship and what you gained from their experience.
2. Integrity
Describe a time when your mentoring partner(s) shared a difficult truth with you or followed up a promise with sure action. Explain how this action helped you gain more trust in your mentoring relationship.
3. Caring
Draw attention to a time when your mentoring partner openly and compassionately commiserated with you about something. Describe how this helped you and how it reinforced your trust in them.
4. Encourage a dialogue where your partners share examples of competence, integrity, and caring with you.
5. Discuss with your partners how these factors have helped strengthen your mentoring relationship and provide a foundation for building a trust-based relationship.
 |
Subscribe to this comment's feed